how to have a book club

thoughts on making friends; tips on organizing & hosting

In 2016, when my husband and I first moved to Portland, I put a flyer on the message board of the apartment lobby that I was starting a book club. I specified that I was looking for women to join. The next day there was a post-it on the flyer that said MEN READ, TOO (Sorry!). I got two texts that seemed promising, so I took it down and set a date for the “initial interest meeting” (the next day at my apartment). Both women arrived on time, with snacks and wine, and they became my first real friends in Portland — not colleagues, not people from Jonny’s law school, but people interested in reading with me. The three of us met about every four weeks, and we rotated choosing the books. The books I remember reading are 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami and The Girls by Emma Cline. We mostly got sidetracked talking about our lives, and then eventually just started hanging out as normal friends, letting the club fall gently to the wayside. While one of the members ended up moving back to California after a few years (we miss you, Olympia!), I am still close to OG member, Zoe, who my son affectionately refers to as Uncle Bill.

My first book club 💕

Fast forward a few years. We moved to a suburb, and at the encouragement of my sister-in-law, I joined a boutique fitness studio. The studio is expensive, but I went at least three times a week to make the cost per visit reasonable. There is a certain aesthetic to the studio — matching sets, tasteful botox, Uggs, expensive water bottles, and I didn’t always feel like I fit in. I absolutely loved the classes though, so much so that I took Jia Tolentino’s essay about optimization and barre class extremely personally. When I would come home from working out, Jonny would ask how the class was and I would say, “It was great! They gave me me the Best Butt in Barre Award!” This shtick continued for months.

One evening one of my favorite instructors was working check-in, and I asked her if she would do me a weird favor. I told her about the running joke with my husband and if she would make me a certificate that said Best Butt in Barre. She said yes so fast I didn’t even have time to feel embarrassed. I went to class, and by the time I got out, she had the certificate ready for me. I died laughing when I gave it to Jonny, and I knew that I had made my first friend at barre.

I prioritized signing up for her class after that, and then we became friends on social media. I quickly learned that she is a voracious reader, and our tastes very much overlapped. We went out for drinks one night, and we started talking about starting a book club. Our initial non-negotiables were that we meet four times a year, we rotate hosting duties between the two of us, and we pick the books.

Last year's picks!

We both posted on our social media about book club and collected emails from people who might be interested. We typically have at least 12 people attend, though The Heaven and Earth Grocery Store meeting had over 20 people! Some things I have learned from our book club experience:

• Hosting is a muscle. I remember being so anxious about having the meeting at my house the first time that I accidentally doubled the salt in the quiche I was making and then obsessed about it for the first half hour. I had no leftovers, so I guess it was fine! This last meeting I only had to prep for about an hour before guests started arriving. It gets easier!

• Prioritize comfortable seating, hydration for everyone, a clean bathroom, an empty trashcan, and a clear sink. Everything else is likely less important and/or less noticeable than you might think.

• Morgan and I are solidly literary fiction gals, but we’ve deviated this round now that we’ve gotten to know the taste of the people who come. Part of my issue with book clubs in the past is that I don’t like being forced to read something (yes, I understand the irony of this given that I majored in English Literature and teach Language Arts), but if I know that other people are going to help me understand what I’m reading, I’m more willing to branch out. I want to diversify our genres and authors as we continue. I also learned not to pick new fiction *every* time because backlist books are cheaper and easier to find!

• Talk about the book. I think because I am a teacher, facilitating book discussion is pretty natural to me. Sometimes we write questions up on chart paper and people answer with sticky notes. Sometimes we just sit and circle and share. We generally mix and mingle and catch up and snack until the last RSVP’d guest arrives, then we start a more formal conversation. Some books prompt more opinions than others, but we don’t want anyone to feel trapped, so we usually wrap up after about an hour.

• Spice it up every now and then — we had a wrapped book swap in January and then a favorite things exchange at our last meeting. I don’t want to make people feel obligated to bring something extra every time, but I’m already thinking about a mug swap for our winter meeting.

I’m curious if you are in a book club, how is it run? Do you enjoy it? Do you have any suggestions for future picks?